How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck?
It was not enough sand...
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy
Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
What did the trampolinist say?
‘Life has its ups and downs, but I always bounce back.’
Tennis
Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
Vote:
A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money.
The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer.
When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door.
It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.
Why God did made the snake before lawyers?
To exercise.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
Vote:
Yo mamma’s so big, when she gets outside the house people start screaming: “Freak!”