How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
He’s such an alcoholic, when pink elephants get drunk, they see him.
Think nobody knows you’re alive?
Try missing a payment.
What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
A drunk goes to work.
Why did the idiot put starch in his whisky?
needed a stiff drink.
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away.
Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor.
Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.
A very short painter walks into a Parisian bar and offers to buy his friend a drink.
His friend, rushing out of the door, shouts, ‘Can’t stop now, no time Toulouse.’
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
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