Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!!
What did you do with them?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside?
A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
What did the psychiatrist say to the android kleptomaniac?
DON'T keep taking the tablets!
What can save a dying blonde?
Hair transplants.
Scientists have located the gene for alcoholism.
They found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
What kind of rocks do young geologists play with?
Marbles.
Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? An invalid.
Vote:
The Captain called the Sergeant in.
"Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday.
Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
"Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers.
The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance.
Oh by the way, Smith, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office.
"Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Smith his mother died.
Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that James mother died.
You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me.
This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation.
"Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward."
"Not so fast, James!"