Best jokes ever

"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested. "Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???" "You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer. "I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."
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has 19.11 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: cop
Q: Why did the astronaut retire? A: He got spaced out!
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has 19.11 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: old people, work
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
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has 19.11 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, health, old people, phone
Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.
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has 19.11 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, programmer
How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? She opens the car door.
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has 19.07 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde
I may be a cold hearted and a unloving bitch, but I'm damn good at it How am I driving? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS I'm not an alcholic Alcoholics go to meetings I am a drunk NO FAT CHICKS! Dont laugh at my ride, your daughter may be in it! Horn broke watch for finger I'm not pshycotic, I cant read your mind. Keep staring I might do a trick. Chicks dig my ride. I found Jesus... he was behind the coach the whole time. I didn't sell my soal to satan...... but we did work out a rent to own deal. Dyslexic satan worshipers think they're worshipping Santa. I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you abuse the privlige. I smile because I have no Idea whats going on. Guys: just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. STOP FOLLOWING ME, I don't know where I'm going.
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has 19.07 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, god, stupid
How do blondes pierce their ears? They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
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has 19.07 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
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has 19.07 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Yo mamma’s so big, when people see her they start screaming: “That’s a huge bitch!”
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has 19.02 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"
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has 19.01 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bird, cop, dirty, fat
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