Q: Why are white people called crackers. A: Because they use to crack that whip on those niggers.
A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road. He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man's body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds of thousands of sprinkles. A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies: "It looks like he's topped himself."
Why did the millionaire count his money with his toes? So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!
Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any.
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."
When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants. High five!
Harry to Tom: ‘My uncle died last week. Left me sod all.’ Tom: ‘Wow. Sod Hall. How many rooms has it got?’
I love her so much I worship the ground her father found oil on.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.