Q. How do rednecks have safe sex?
A. They mark the sheep that kick!
Men are like buses.
They have spare tires and smell funny.
What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
"Darling."
Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie.
They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk.
The problem was getting Ken to listen.
What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
A dazzling woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
Are you the manager? she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, No”, he replies.
Can you get him for me I need to speak to him.
She is running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
I’m afraid that I can’t, breathes the barman, clearly aroused.
Is there anything I can do?
“Yes, there is”.
I need you to give him a message, she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“Tell him that there is no Toilet Paper in the ladies room.”
How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people?
You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Chuck Norris gave Black Ops a thumbs up and people at Microsoft a roundhouse kick in the face. Suck it Microsoft.
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For breakfast Chuck Norris enjoys toast and jellyfish.
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