Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie.
They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk.
The problem was getting Ken to listen.
What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk.
The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink.
The man leaves.
He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer.
A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before.
The man leaves.
He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer.
The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar.
He leaves.
He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him.
"I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!"
Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore?
A good start...
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were asked where they would like to go.
The brunette said she would like to go to Mars.
The redhead said she would like to go to Venus.
The blonde said she would like to go to the Sun.
"But you would burn up", said the brunette. "Well, I would go at night. Duh", said the blonde.
A dazzling woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
Are you the manager? she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, No”, he replies.
Can you get him for me I need to speak to him.
She is running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
I’m afraid that I can’t, breathes the barman, clearly aroused.
Is there anything I can do?
“Yes, there is”.
I need you to give him a message, she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“Tell him that there is no Toilet Paper in the ladies room.”
How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people?
You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Chuck Norris gave Black Ops a thumbs up and people at Microsoft a roundhouse kick in the face. Suck it Microsoft.
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