A cop asks a nigger:
Can you legitimate yourself?
Is this because I’m black?
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Vote:
Why are old socks good for golf?
Because they have eighteen holes.
A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port of France, and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
Oui monsieur; what is the destination port for this load?
I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.
Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?
Why is that sir? If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese; of course!
Did you hear about the small golf course?
You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
‘Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald”.’
Rita Rudner
She was so rich she even had monograms on the bags under her eyes.
Name an animal that lives in Lapland?
A reindeer
Good, now name another.
Another reindeer!
Question: What do you get when you cross a shark and a parrot?
Answer: a creature that talks your ear off.
Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.