Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle?
A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table! 
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.
After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him.
"This place is great, isn't it?" he asks.
The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, replies, "Why do you say that?"
The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, "Follow me."
The two of them walk over to a large window at the end of the room.
The window faces out onto the street, 12 floors below.
"Here's why."
The first man throws open the window, and boldly steps out into thin air.
But he remains aloft!
"The air currents are great here!" he exclaims. "It's very relaxing."
He floats back into the room.
As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it.
The second man, skeptical, peers out through the window - down to the pavement twelve stories below.
He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up.
Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swallows, closes his eyes, and steps out into thin air.
He promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below.
The first man grins and returns to the bar.
Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits.
"You know," he says, disgusted.
"You're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
So...I had this rabbit that died of heatstroke after a week and I didn't have a time to name it.
So after it died and was on my lap the name came to me...I'll call it floppy!
Name an animal that lives in Lapland?
A reindeer
Good, now name another.
Another reindeer!
The frustrated golfer drove over the river and threw the woods.
Swimming
Money should be utilized as a tool.
You just gotta know which nuts to screw.
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
Vote:
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year?
"Forty-eight years old."
Bill Gates is judged for bigamy.
He says:
If you live with two women’s it does not mean bigamy, it means multitasking.