A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port of France, and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
Oui monsieur; what is the destination port for this load?
I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.
Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?
Why is that sir? If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese; of course!
What’s a black spot between two white spots?
A fly with cotton wool in her ears!
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy."
Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
‘Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald”.’
Rita Rudner
"Yes, ma'am," the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, "I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg."
"Merciful providence!" his hearer gasped. "And what did you do?"
"Let 'im 'ave the leg, o' course, ma'am. I never argues with sharks."
Q: What did the black guy say to the white guy?
A: How my dick taste.
Vote:
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Vote:
Our folk not only knows how to read between the lines but also how to leave a record between the eyes.
Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’
‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary.
‘You have to go alone.’