Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.
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What did O say to Q Dude your dicks hanging out
Vote: has 76.93 % from 996 votes. Send joke:

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Mary to Jill: ‘My last boyfriend said he fantasised about having two girls at once. Jill: ‘Most men do. What did you tell him?’ Mary: ‘I said, “If you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off another one?”’
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A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: "Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5" So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves. The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says: "You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10" So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"
Vote: has 76.91 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, dirty, horse, money
A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test. The engineer went in first and was asked, "What is 2+2?" The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, "4." Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, "4.0" Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, "What do you want it to be?"
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Question: What’s the best thing about a blow job? Answer: Ten minutes of silence.
Vote: has 76.90 % from 154 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, time, women
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 99 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, disgusting, food
A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
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I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
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More jokes about: black humor, sport, time
There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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