Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.
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Chuck Norris once fell off a ladder, it immediately became a chair and caught him out of fear.
Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler.
With him inside it.
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture.
And Won.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris can surf on lava.
The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.
Chuck Norris will chuck you in the norris!
Chuck Norris doesn't have a will.
Invincible people don't need them.
The sandman puts other people to sleep but Chuck Norris put the sandman to sleep.
Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.