Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris doesn't always drink beer, but when he does he has the dos equis guy serve it to him in a dress.
Chuck Norris can straighten a circle.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.
The role of terminator was originaly played by Chuck Norris, but they decided against it as no-one would want to shit their pants for two hours strait.
Mortal Kombat was originally called 'Ways Chuck Norris Can Kill You'.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
E=mc squared. E multiplied by mc squared=Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.