A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral.
The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
Evolution's driving mechanism is nature's desperate attempt to escape Chuck Norris.
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Remove the shower head and place a chicken bouillon cube in it, then put the head back on.
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When Chuck Norris burns calories, he uses a flamethrower.
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Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
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Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.
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The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?"
I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
Guy goes to his psychiatrist and says "I'm in love with my dog."
"Well that is not so unusual, millions of people love their dogs."
"But doctor, you don't understand. I'm physically attracted to my dog. I'm in love with my dog."
"Well, is your dog male or female?"
"Female, of course, what the hell do you think I am, queer?"
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine...
I always get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.