Chuck Norris once kicked Hulk in the face, so Hulk ran into the woods.
He is now known as Shrek.
Vote:
Rappers are like the pens at the bank.
They all have chains on them, and don't write very well.
What did O say to Q
Dude your dicks hanging out
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
A teacher asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living.
Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer.
He puts the bad guys in jail."
Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor.
He makes all the sick people better."
All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny.
Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?"
Johnny says: "My Dad is dead."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?"
"He turned blue and shit on the carpet."
Vote:
Yo mama so ugly, people break into her house to close the curtains!
A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office.
Figuring his luck has to change, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.
The genie explains to him that he gets three wishes, and whatever he wishes for, his wife gets double.
The man asks for his first wish.
"The first thing I want is a million dollars."
The genie says, "Okay, but you know that your wife gets two million."
The man said, "That's okay. My second wish is for a large house on a remote tropical paradise."
The genie says, "Then your wife will have two beautiful houses."
The man replied, "That's fine. Now for my third wish. I want you to beat me half to death."
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone?
A: You can't hear a vitamin.
Patient to his doctor: "I have forgotten so many things lately, and it's getting worse. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I'd also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?"