A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
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Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "
Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks
"Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "
Oh I have a personal genie"
The first man asks
"Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man
"Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says "
I want a Million Bucks "
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other "
Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
When you give birth to a great idea at work, your boss should give you 2 weeks of maternity leave.
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How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
I busted a mirror the other day. That's seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
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Q: Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? A: They want to measure their intelligence.
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Hipsters hate rivers.
Too mainstream.
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket.
He does this over and over again.
Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket.
The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then I'll go home."
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.
He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
His wife confessed, "Not this time."
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up".
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."
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