Best jokes ever

A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, travel
Why do women love Hunters the best as lovers? 1. Hunters have the longest and most powerful rifles. 2. Hunters always....shoot twice. 3. Hunters love to...eat what they shoot!
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: hunting, love, women
Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, single
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know." Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone." Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, single
Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, math, nerd, vulgar
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at eight o'clock I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas, I'm ninety years old. Every morning at seven o'clock sharp I urinate. Every morning at eight o'clock I move my bowels. Every morning at nine o'clock sharp I wake up."
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: old people
When do boys ask for a girl’s hand? When they get bored by theirs!
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 265 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Vote:
has 76.88 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, health
One day, a hippie and a nun get on a bus. The hippie whispers into the nun's ear and says "You wanna have sex?" and the nun says, "No way you sicko!", after that, the hippie gets off the bus and tells the bus driver to tell the nuns to go to the graveyard at 9:00pm that night. At 9:00pm the nun arrives at the graveyard and the hippie is there dressed as god. The hippie then commands the nun to have sex with him and the nun replies, "Ok, but can you do it up the back?", the hippie agrees and they do it. After they're done, the hippie pulls of his mask and yells, "HA! I am the hippie from the bus" then the nun pulls of HIS mask and says "HA! I am the bus driver!"
Vote:
has 76.88 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
Vote:
has 76.87 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, friendship
<<<208209210211
More jokes →
Page 208 of 1391.