Best jokes ever

Yo Mommas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.
Vote:
has 76.64 % from 295 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, Yo mama
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Vote:
has 76.63 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: business, dad, lawyer, school
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee, Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.
Vote:
has 76.63 % from 599 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fish, sex
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Vote:
has 76.61 % from 290 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
What is the difference between a Russian optimist, pessimist and realist? The optimist studies English. The pessimist studies Chinese. The realist stays home and cleans his kalashnikov.
Vote:
has 76.59 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: military
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Vote:
has 76.59 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, god, wife
I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house. I ain't lying. I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint. Finally, I said, "Damn, this brother will never come home!"
Vote:
has 76.59 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: drug, life
"I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?" "That's right, Sir." "So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?" "That was my dentist."
Vote:
has 76.59 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: dentist, friendship, management, stupid, work
Teacher: "Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus four?" Class: "At once!"
Vote:
has 76.58 % from 747 votes. More jokes about: math, school, teacher
A teacher asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?" "He turned blue and shit on the carpet."
Vote:
has 76.57 % from 552 votes. More jokes about: dad, doctor, lawyer, little Johnny, teacher
<<<207208209210
More jokes →
Page 207 of 1428.