Best jokes ever

A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
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has 76.44 % from 227 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, romantic, Valentines day, wife
Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.
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has 76.43 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Roses are red, Violets are blue, faces like yours belong in a zoo. Don't worry I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
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has 76.42 % from 320 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, poems, ugly
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
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has 76.42 % from 320 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night. “Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.” “Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dad, lawyer, money
A guy was meeting a friend in a bar, and as he walked in he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his friend, "but when I walked in they were speaking German"
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel. After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead. No sign of the blonde. After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore. They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink. After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!"
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: blonde, sport, stupid, time, women
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
They once had a showing of Walker Texas Ranger in 3D. There where no survivors.
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has 76.41 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
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has 76.40 % from 439 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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