A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.
He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Shazam!
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Shazam!
Instantly he turned 93 years old.
What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy "Hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared."
Man "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
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How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"
Why don't black people dream?
Because the last black guy that "had a dream" got shot
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When Chuck Norris gets pulled over he read the officers his rights.
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Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
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Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. They woke up in the morning, and the guy on the right says "I had this wild, vivid dream last night. I was getting the best hand job I ever had!" The guy on the left says "I had the same dream, too!" The guy in the middle says "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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