Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
What is 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets. He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome. Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome. Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
Q: What is the difference between northern and southerner fairytales? A: Northerner starts off with "Once upon a time..." a southerner starts with "listen to this shit..."
Chuck Norris once spelled the entire alphabet using only M&Ms.