Yo mama so fat she got a parking ticket for standing at a crosswalk.
A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight."
The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.
Two drunks are walking along.
One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."
The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend.
"You're wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."
They began to argue when they come upon another drunk.
They asked, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument?
Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining.
Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
Q: Why do we have to be quiet in church?
A: Because people are sleeping!
Why are cemeteries surrounded with walls?
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Because people are dying to get in there.
Vote:
Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court?
A: For charges of battery.
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum.
"That looks nasty," says the doctor.
"Nasty?" the man says.
"That's just the tip of the iceberg."
Get to know your mate.
If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front.
And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up.
Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.
Vote:
Did you find my horse well behaved?
Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!