A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks." The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?" The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her." The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?" The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."
Q: What do you call a computer expert? A: A control-alt-elite.
In high school, teachers had to raise up their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
Chuck never auditioned for Walker Texas Ranger, a camera crew turned up at his house and secretly filmed him.
There is only one award higher than the medal of Honor: The Chuck Norris Medal of Roundhouse. No mortal man has ever earned it.
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful!
Give Chuck Norris a piece of coal and he'll give you back a diamond.
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"