Best jokes ever

A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."
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has 74.18 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: school, soccer, teacher
Mr. Smith, the biology instructor at a Highschool, said during class, “Miss Jones, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.” Miss Jones gasped, then said, “Mr. Smith, I do not think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.” With that she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Smith called on Miss Brown and asked the same question. Miss Brown, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.” “Correct,” said Mr. Smith. “And now, Miss Jones, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
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has 74.17 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?" My simple answer is: It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.
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has 74.17 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: internet, life
Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
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has 74.17 % from 371 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off. The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?". To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
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has 74.16 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: math, science, time, women
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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has 74.15 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: black humor, life, men, morbid, time
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
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has 74.15 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, music
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, men, tax
Most kids pee their name into snow... Chuck Norris pisses his in concreate...
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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