Why are cemeteries surrounded with walls?
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Because people are dying to get in there.
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Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court?
A: For charges of battery.
The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.
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Did you find my horse well behaved?
Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
When you give birth to a great idea at work, your boss should give you 2 weeks of maternity leave.
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Get to know your mate.
If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front.
And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up.
Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
I don't know whats happening in this country.
You've got school children dressing like whores and whores dressing like school children.
Its a nightmare... you just don't know whether to carry sweets or money!
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
This guy from up north just up and one day moved down south to start himself a farm.
He came across this man and asked him where he could get a good donkey to pull a cart and plow.
The man said I've got just what you need.
Only thing is down here we don't call them donkeys we call them an ass.
He said when this ass stops you'll have to get off the cart and slap them to get it going again.
The northern man thanks him and heads on his way.
He comes up to a man seeking chickens.
He says to the man, I'd like to buy a rooster and a hen.
The guy sai d sure thing but down here we don't call em roosters and hens.
We call them a cock and a pullet.
The man from up north says ok, thanks the man and is on his way.
He going along in his cart when his donkey stops in the middle of the road.
He remembers what the man said he had to do to get it going.
Just then a lady is walking by.
So he walks up to her and says, "excuse me miss, but will you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass."
Vote:
Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."