"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
Chuck Norris has heard the actual voice of Charlie Brown's teacher...
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" Wife says, "I would take half and leave you". Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily. "It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live." "He had to be told." said the second doctor. "I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.
Chuck Norris can make you fold a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris once dropped a glass vase onto the floor. The glass apologized for breaking in his presence.
The Titanic didn't sink by an ice burg, Chuck Norris was doing the back stroke across the Atlantic.
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"