Best jokes ever

Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum. "That looks nasty," says the doctor. "Nasty?" the man says. "That's just the tip of the iceberg."
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: doctor, men
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
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has 73.89 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: fat, fitness, phone
Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?" "No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
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has 73.88 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, Santa, school, teacher
An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face. "What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord. "Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !" "Did you get a blow job ?" asks the landlord. "No ..." he says, "I never found the head."
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has 73.88 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
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has 73.88 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
Night time... when Chuck Norris tells the sun it's time for bed.
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has 73.87 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
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has 73.86 % from 350 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Once there was this man whose car broke down. He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch. He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in. But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.'' She let him sleep in the laundry room. He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters. After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed. Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down. Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!'' He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable. Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it. In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule. Watch out.'' He was sent onto the porch to sleep. All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him. Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald. Here came the grandma. ''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.'' The cops came and requested a description of what happened. The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist. He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!''
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has 73.85 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: dirty
An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?" After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?" "Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."
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has 73.84 % from 329 votes. More jokes about: math, science
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