Best jokes ever

What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ? There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!
Vote: has 73.89 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers. Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.” “That is right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked. “Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.” “Correct,” replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?” “Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”
Vote: has 73.88 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, dirty, doctor, sex, women
Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town.
Vote: has 73.85 % from 325 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, wife
My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she's a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours.
Vote: has 73.85 % from 174 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, sex, wife
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Vote: has 73.83 % from 109 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
How does a black woman know when she's pregnant? When she pulls out her tampon all the cotton is picked off.
Vote: has 73.82 % from 411 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!  They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book. He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies "I only ever touched one with my index finger." He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates." He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis." She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."  He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate." Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way. ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?" The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
Vote: has 73.80 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
One Sunday morning,a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up. "Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way "round the back. There was a box near the front door that said "For the Sick."
Vote: has 73.80 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you." The guy says, "I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."
Vote: has 73.80 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, fat, music, women