I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.
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We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
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One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart.
The clerk told him to have a nice day.
The next day the clerk was found dead.
The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why.
He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
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Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
“Dad, can you write in the dark?”
“I think so. What is it you want me to write?”
“Your name on this report card.”
Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.
A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after an evening of partying ashore.
As they climbed the gangway, the captain threw up all over himself.
Pointing to an apprentice seaman above, him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!"
The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also took a dump in your pants."
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.