Best jokes ever

A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily. "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"
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More jokes about: animal, computer, doctor, IT, programmer
Teacher: “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” Boy: “Somebody else’s pants.”
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More jokes about: school
Yo mamma is so fat when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.
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More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Death: It's your time. give me your hand Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die! Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five! Blonde: *high fives* Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...
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More jokes about: blonde, death, stupid
Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!
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More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
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More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.
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More jokes about: black humor, health, military, party, war
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
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More jokes about: animal, dog
Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm in love but not with you... When we broke up you thought I cried But all it was... Was another guy, You told your friends that I was a trick, I told mine that you had a weak dick... I said I loved you And you thought it was true, But guess what baby?! You got played too!
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More jokes about: dirty, insulting, love, mean, poems