Best jokes ever

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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has 73.66 % from 269 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Yo Momma so fat, she rolled out of bed and everybody thought there was an earthquake.
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has 73.65 % from 198 votes. More jokes about: fat, weather, Yo mama
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday. Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: money
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!" They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately. If only men would listen...
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, men, women
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: beauty, death, funeral, money, mother in law
Status I didn't fall down, I attacked the floor.
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has 73.64 % from 465 votes. More jokes about: Facebook
Yo Mommas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.
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has 73.63 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: phone, stupid, Yo mama
A woman wants everything from one man. A man wants one thing from all the women.
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has 73.63 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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