Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance? A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Yo mama so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death! Yo mama so dumb she stole a free cookie!
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!
The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?" Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!" The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?" Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate." The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful." Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a blow job. I'm talking about jerking off."
Q: Why are native Americans effective strippers? A: When they dance they make it rain.
What do you call a bunch of white people in a elevator? A box of crakers.