On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white.
The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof.
Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof.
Next is the black guy's turn.
The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.
Vote:
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon.
All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink.
The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?"
The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips."
The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?"
Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."
Vote:
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?"
"No, I'm still alive."
Vote:
When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it.
It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love.
He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him.
The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love.
I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.
After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind.
It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."
Vote:
I recently went to my new doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?"
He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?"
I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either."
He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy."
He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
I replied, "No, nothing like that."
He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc."
He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
Vote:
Girl: What if a boy hugs me?
Mom: Say Don't
Girl: What if he kisses me?
Mom: Say stop.
The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!...