Best jokes ever

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
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has 73.59 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids
If Chuck Norris punches you in your dream you will wake up with bruises.
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has 73.59 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Question: Why did God give men penises? Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.
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has 73.59 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: god, women
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. "You're wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
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has 73.58 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk
First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
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has 73.58 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: food, military
Yo mama is so fat when she left the room everyone could breathe again.
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has 73.58 % from 338 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
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has 73.58 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex: - You can GET chocolate. - Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft. - You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. - You can have chocolate in in public. - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind. - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. - You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. - No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate. - Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. - You can have chocolate at any time of the month. - You are never too young or too old for chocolate. - Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.
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has 73.58 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, sex
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem." "Oh is she an alcoholic?" "No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, husband, marriage, wife
You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: school, student, time, work
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