Best jokes ever

There were these two friends, one who was gay, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them. St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her. The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time." St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven. Now it was the second man's turn. St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her. The man replied, "Actually I'm gay, but here's a picture of my lover, and I never cheated on him." St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven. After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your lover on a skateboard."
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has 73.26 % from 354 votes. More jokes about: gay
One morning a boy walks in to class late His substitute teacher asks him "Where have you been" He replies "Throwing pebbles at a car" 15 minutes later a girl walks in the teacher asks 'where have you been' she answers "throwing pebbles at a car" 2 hours later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher asks "Let me guess you were throwing pebbles at a car" she answers "No miss, I am pebbles"
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has 73.26 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: car, school, time
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you." The guy says, "I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."
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has 73.25 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: bar, fat, music, women
Chuck Norris' shadow stays ten steps behind him in fear of a roundhouse kick.
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has 73.25 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris dosn't need a bullet proof vest because the bullets wouldn't dare hit him.
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has 73.25 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
There are no such things as Chuck Norris haters...just people with short lives.
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has 73.23 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A woman asked her lover, "Would you keep f*ck me that much even after marriage? He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection."
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has 73.23 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she's a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours.
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has 73.23 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: love, sex, wife
Once there was this man whose car broke down. He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch. He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in. But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.'' She let him sleep in the laundry room. He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters. After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed. Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down. Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!'' He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable. Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it. In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule. Watch out.'' He was sent onto the porch to sleep. All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him. Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald. Here came the grandma. ''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.'' The cops came and requested a description of what happened. The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist. He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!''
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has 73.23 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Seven days on a honeymoon make one hole weak.
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has 73.22 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: holiday, women
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