Chuck Norris takes care of his guardian angel.
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The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway.
But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
Chuck Norris can mute silence.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because Chuck Norris will never submit.
NASA is negotiating with Chuck Norris about using his roundhouse kick as a propulsion to get to Mars.
Everybody knows that Chuck Norris can't shoot a bow even though he got 5 bullseyes in a row.
The only reason he got the bullseye is that his arrows know better than to miss.
Q: You know the Roman Empire, well how do you think it fell?
A: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier.
In half.