Chuck Norris takes care of his guardian angel.
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Big Foot discovered Chuck Norris and hid in the forest.
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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer.
Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA.
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Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth.
The next day he won the lottery.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.
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Justin Beiber screeched like a high-pitched girl the time he saw Chuck Norris.
His voice is still up there today.
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When Chuck Norris breaks the speed limit, no one can put it back together again.
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If Chuck Norris were to ever bungee jump, the earth would flinch.
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Kings buy Chuck Norris size beds.
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