Whats long and Black??
The KFC line.
Q: What did the grape say when it was crushed?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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Do files get embarrassed when they’re unzipped?
HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training.
Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’
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A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and takes the TV.
Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"What's your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dumbass named you Moses?"
"The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
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The following sign was posted at a fast food restaurant owned by two blondes:
"Parking for drive-through customers only!"
A blonde's house is on fire.
She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"
Someone else yells, "Call 911!"
The blonde yells back, "What's the number?"
I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week.
I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket.
But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don’t be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…
"Now she knows."
Benefits of having Alzheimer's:
You can wrap your own presents.
You are always meeting new friends.
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