Best jokes ever

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Q: Whats the generic form of Viagra? A: Mycoxaflopin.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: medical, viagra
Chuck Norris doesn't need to breathe, the oxygen comes to him.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris' toothpaste doesn't have baking soda in it, it has gunpowder in it.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, bartender, drunk, men
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy". Some days I just stand at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly
Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, marriage, masturbation, technology, work
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, life, sex
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
Chuck Norris is ambidextrous. He can do Roundhouse kicks with his left and right leg. All at the same time.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time