Best jokes ever

Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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has 72.18 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, mother in law
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?” A little boy on the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”
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has 72.18 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: school, science
A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range. He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away. The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit. They shout to him that he missed completely. The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer. The technician then aims the gun at his finger and shoots, blasting it off. He shouts back, ‘It’s working fine here! The problem must be at your end!’
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has 72.18 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: IT
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.
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has 72.18 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: blonde
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
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has 72.17 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
In the morning Little Johnny says to his father, "Daddy last night I had my first s*xual encounter." His father looks at him proudly and says, "When are you planniing to do it again?" "I don't know daddy ever since it happened my ass has been hurting like crazy."
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has 72.17 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: dirty
When Chuck Norris falls into a puddle of water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris. This is just a joke, we know Chuck Norris doesn't fall..ever
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has 72.17 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!
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has 72.17 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
When Chuck Norris donates blood he refuses the needle, he asks for a knife and a bucket.
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has 72.17 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'". The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
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has 72.17 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, parrot
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