A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? because the grass tickles their balls :)
How do they name Chinese baby's? They throw silverware down the stairs until they hear something they like.
What is the smallest hotel in the world? A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
Yo mama is so fat that when she asked, "Why is the grass always greener on the other side?" Everyone replied, "'Cause you aren't standing on it."
Yo Mommas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.
Yo mama so fat when she tossed in her sleep she woke up in another time zone.
Q: What does a kitty like to eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies.
People can be so easy to read. Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.