Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
Chuck Norris doesn't compete, he wins.
Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent. They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't.
Chuck Norris' primary weapon in Call of Duty is his roundhouse kick.
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
Q: Where do Snowmen go to dance? A: To snowballs.
Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
Chuck Norris can drink from an empty cup.