Best jokes ever

What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faces the opposing lawyers. ‘Both of you have given me a bribe,’ he says. ‘You, Tom, gave me £15,000. And you, Harry, gave me £10,000.’ The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a cheque, and hands it to Tom. ‘I’m returning £5,000, and we’ll now decide this case solely on its merits.’
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: Why was the wizard kicked out of school. A: Because he forgot how to spell.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, memory, school
What a woman says… This place is a mess! C’mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and You’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do laundry right now! What a man hears… blah blah blah blah blah C’MON! YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, women
Dear haters, I can't help but notice that awesome ends in ME and ugly starts with U.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, insulting
Knock-knock Who is there? A shattered penis with many diseases. What kind of illness? Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis... Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
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has 71.50 % from 530 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, knock-knock, mother in law, vulgar
Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said “Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence.” Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence…but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before. “Satan!” beckoned God. “You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!” “Yeah? What if I don’t?” replied the devil. “I’ll sue you if I have to,” answered God. “Sure,” laughed Satan. “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: god, heaven, lawyer
Q: What comes before 8? A: My school bus usually.
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: school
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies "I don't know but its driving me nuts".
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: insulting, single, ugly
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