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Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
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Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."
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Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed? A: Man, this music sucks.
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An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
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Chuck Norris can drink from an empty cup.
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Chuck Norris roundhoused a guy so hard he starved to death before he stopped sliding.
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Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler. With him inside it.
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Q: How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? A: Zero. He simply stares at the candy and the outer coating is gone.
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Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth? A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
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Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
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