A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
What a woman says… This place is a mess! C’mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and You’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do laundry right now! What a man hears… blah blah blah blah blah C’MON! YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
Dear haters, I can't help but notice that awesome ends in ME and ugly starts with U.
Q: Why was the wizard kicked out of school. A: Because he forgot how to spell.
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Do you know what a plateau is? It's the highest form of flattery!
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops? A: So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.
Q: What comes before 8? A: My school bus usually.