Best jokes ever

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
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More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex. She replied, "I do too!" He gets confused and asks why. She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."
Vote: has 72.03 % from 190 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, sex, wife
Q: How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: The lights out, how can u count them?
Vote: has 72.03 % from 1084 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, light bulb
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He’s in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He’s in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"
Vote: has 72.01 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, little Johnny, school, student, teacher
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said, "I died in a car accident." The second man said, "I died by drowning." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
Vote: has 72.01 % from 178 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, heaven, sex, wife
Yo mamma's so fat that she had to get baptized at seaworld.
Vote: has 71.99 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
Vote: has 71.99 % from 158 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
Vote: has 71.99 % from 142 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you." "Boobs," the drunk replied.
Vote: has 71.97 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote: has 71.97 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time