One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food."
the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along!
And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!"
the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind.
Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"
On a cold day of January, I went to visit one of my friends in his house; it was snowing and my friend urged me to stay the night with him.
They had only 2 rooms one for themselves and other for their baby; so I suggested to rest in baby' room.
In middle of the night, I need WC which was in the garden and was so difficult for me to go there.
I thought some moments then decided to change my place with the baby.
I did so.
And pissed in the place of baby; when I returned to change again I saw that the baby had shitted in my bed!
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Yo' Mama got one eye and one leg. We call her IHOP.
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A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
"Behave, my bubaleh," she says.
"Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
"So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp.
Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish."
After a thought he says he's got it.
"My first wish is i want a million dollars."
Genie "your wish has been granted and every black person now has 2 million dollars."
Man "Ok my second wish i want 10 thousand acres Genie.."
Granted but every black person in the world now has 20 thousand acres.
"And now you have but one wish."
"The man replies with my final wish... i wish you to beat me half to death."
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real.
It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
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Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".