A policeman arrested two kids on bonfire night. One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He charged one and let the other one off.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.
A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver? A: She missed the Earth.
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located? Tommy: At the great airports!
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!