Best jokes ever

Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, love
Chuck Norris' primary weapon in Call of Duty is his roundhouse kick.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family, game, insulting
Chuck Norris went on Man vs Wild once. The Wild lost.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, age, death, heaven, time
Chuck Norris can finish Sims.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Q: What did the dentist say to the golfer? A: "You have a hole in one."
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dentist, golf
Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler. With him inside it.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: relationship, single
Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, office