Best jokes ever

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
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has 71.12 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: cat, death, fish, funeral, little Johnny
Linux is like wigwam: no Gates, no Windows and Apache inside.
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has 71.12 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."
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has 71.12 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, gay, wife
A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life. The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom. She seductively asks her husband, "Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this?" The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies, "Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!"
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has 71.12 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: sex
Yo' mama's breath so nasty, I don't know whether to give her Tic-Tacs or toilet paper!
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has 71.12 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: food, Yo mama
Dad, what happens if a condom tear? Look at yourself...
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has 71.11 % from 438 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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has 71.10 % from 233 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.
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has 71.09 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, husband
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
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has 71.09 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
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has 71.07 % from 500 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, sex
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