Best jokes ever

What happened to the Asian when he walked into a wall with a boner? He hit his nose.
Vote: has 72.60 % from 408 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, racist
The Commanding General is supposed to visit the unit, so, in order to appear snappy, the captain stations a private as a sentry outside the front door. "Inform me immediately upon the General's arrival," the captain orders the Private. "Yes sir!" the Private Responds. An hour goes by, and the General hasn't arrived. The worried Captain checks with the Sentry. "Did the General arrive?" "No Sir!" Another 1/2 hour goes by and the captain, getting nervous, checks with the sentry again? "Hasn't the General arrived yet?" "No Sir!" This continues for two hours. Finally, the General arrives. "Where the hell have you been?" snapped the private, "The captain's looking for you!"
Vote: has 72.60 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, time
what do black people and bicycles have in common? They only work with a chain on.
Vote: has 72.59 % from 186 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist, work
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Little dirty Johnny took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear an even dirtier joke? Bubbles is the girl next door.
Vote: has 72.57 % from 250 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
Vote: has 72.57 % from 210 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife
Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sex with his queen. So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a boner their head would be chopped off. So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown. He got a boner, so that was the end of him. Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a boner and that was the end of him. This went on until she came to the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a boner. So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a boner.
Vote: has 72.57 % from 214 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, gay, sex
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
Vote: has 72.57 % from 230 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kids, Yo mama
Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets; he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
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More jokes about: family, graduation, mean, money, time
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
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More jokes about: blonde, travel