Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
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Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.
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Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.
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Your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.
Chuck Norris teaches math to solve its own problems.
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The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers:
"We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend."
"Why of course," the Lieutenant answers.
"Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there."
"Why of course," the Lieutenant answers.
On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base.
Out comes a platoon of black GIs.
The schoolmistress is quite distressed.
"Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant.
"Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"
"Hey what's up?"
"Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide."
"How the hell do you do that?!"
"Breathing... Dude."
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
A teacher:"John, I hope I won't see you're cheating."
John:"Me either."