A witness to an automobile accident was testifying.
The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:
The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."
Chuck Norris once won a Scrabble tournament despite getting only Z's and Q's in his rack.
You don't invite Chuck Norris.
He invites himself.
Yo' Mama is so fat, NASA used her to plug a black hole.
Messing with Chuck Norris is the only thing that will get you disqualified from a Colonial Penn Life Insurance policy - at any age.
In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."
The role of terminator was originaly played by Chuck Norris, but they decided against it as no-one would want to shit their pants for two hours strait.
Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces.
The first time Chuck Norris won a game of poker was when his apponant reaveled his full house; then Chuck Norris reaveled his roundhouse.