When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
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4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left.
One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says.
"Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."
Yo Momma is so fat…
that when she wore a blue and green sweater,everyone thought she was Planet Earth.
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday.
"From what I hear about your aim," said the Pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt anytime."
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
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Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
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When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
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I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
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A third age Scotsman was waiting for his son to return from his first date.
Finally, he arrived after midnight.
"Were you worried, father?"
"Yes, I was really worried... I want to know how much did that date cost you..."
"It cost me only four euros!"
"Hmm, it's not that much."
"I know father... But the girl didn't have any more money..."