Best jokes ever

My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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has 70.90 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
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has 70.90 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: car, chemistry, nerd
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
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has 70.87 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: flirt, mean, men, women
Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
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has 70.86 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.
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has 70.84 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: fat, political, Yo mama
"Hey what's up?" "Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide." "How the hell do you do that?!" "Breathing... Dude."
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has 70.84 % from 309 votes. More jokes about: life
A teacher:"John, I hope I won't see you're cheating." John:"Me either."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: school
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and suddenly, the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I tried to get my weapon ready, but there was no time, the tiger leapt toward me with a mighty Roooaarrrrr!I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went Roooaarrrrr!"
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: old people
Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and... Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We await your direction.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: IT, management, money, time
"Are you two twins?" "No, why do you ask?" "Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes." "OK that's enough, your driver's license please."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, cop, driving, family
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