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He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
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The Grimm Reaper lost his job the day Chuck Norris was born.
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Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
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Q: Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out? A: He was already taking out a tooth.
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Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all-time because Chuck Norris never played.
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Alien from "A.V.P" is just Chuck Norris' Gecko.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use OFF! Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him.
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Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal.
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They say that "You can't cheat Death", but Chuck Norris can beat it fairly.
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Q: What is the only thing you will ever hear being said to a Mexican wearing a 3pc suit? A: "Will the defendant please rise".
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