He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
The Grimm Reaper lost his job the day Chuck Norris was born.
Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Q: Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out? A: He was already taking out a tooth.
Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all-time because Chuck Norris never played.
Alien from "A.V.P" is just Chuck Norris' Gecko.
Chuck Norris doesn't use OFF! Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him.
Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal.
They say that "You can't cheat Death", but Chuck Norris can beat it fairly.
Q: What is the only thing you will ever hear being said to a Mexican wearing a 3pc suit? A: "Will the defendant please rise".