A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer.
The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and suddenly, the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I tried to get my weapon ready, but there was no time, the tiger leapt toward me with a mighty Roooaarrrrr!I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went Roooaarrrrr!"
Vote:
A teacher:"John, I hope I won't see you're cheating."
John:"Me either."
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
The original plan for Hiroshima and Nagasaki was to send in Chuck Norris.
We decided to go the humane route.
Vote:
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
"That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she wears a watch on each arm one for each time zone she's in.
Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget.
We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system.
We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and...
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me.
But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it?
Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?
We await your direction.
Vote:
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sex ?"
His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."