Yo mama so fat she has more rolls than a bakery.
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
"Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"
"No"
"So, it was you!"
The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop.
A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.
"Good lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?"
"Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit.
"What the hell do you think I am ... a stunt driver?"
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher.
The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’
The first boy says, ‘What?
Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’
The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.