Best jokes ever

A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, phone
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent. "Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: cop, money
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: food, management, mean
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: old people
Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving? A: “Thanks for coming!”
Vote:
has 70.39 % from 606 votes. More jokes about: sex
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy.“
Vote:
has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
Vote:
has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Yes.
Vote:
has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: IT, light bulb, programmer
<<<349350351352
More jokes →
Page 349 of 1428.