My teacher sends this Chinese kid out of the classroom cause she thought he was sleeping. -_-
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.
I wish my girlfriend had warned me about the ceiling mirror in her bedroom. I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming – I’d looked up and thought I was being attacked by a naked skydiver.
Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a elevator? A: The elevator can raise a child.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
I discovered that I'd spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store's "Feel the Comfort" sticker stuck to my body. More humiliating? It was attached to my left breast.
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
Yo' Mama is so fat, a cop saw her standing alone and told her to break it up.