Best jokes ever

An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
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has 70.49 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
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has 70.48 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
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has 70.48 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: math
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
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has 70.45 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: fat, husband, sex, ugly, women
Yo mama so ugly when she takes baths water hops out.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: ugly, Yo mama
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: car, chemistry, nerd
The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: life, political, relationship
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
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