A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch.
He looks at a watch called "the George Bush Watch" and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands.
The sales clerk says "you are suppose to read his lips."
He then looks at a watch called the "Ross Perot Watch" and notices that it isn’t running – the sales clerk tells him "it runs, it doesn’t run, it runs, it doesn’t run..."
He then notices a watch called the "Bill Clinton Watch" and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch.
He asks the sales clerk how much.
The sales clerk replies "$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax..."
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.
There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window.
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
"I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
A 10-point buck walked into a lodge restaurant and ordered a burger and fries.
After the deer finished and was paying, the cashier said, "We don't see too many deer around here."
"At these prices," replied the buck, "I'm not surprised."
Vote:
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles...
See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles...
See 83 errors, pitches computer.
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..."
Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
Vote:
Your momma so fat...
She's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem.
Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.
The doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it.
The woman replied, snorting pepper.
"Does your ass have Allstate insurance?"
"No, why?"
"Well, do you want it to be in good hands?"
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl?
A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
Vote:
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples?
It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.