"Does your ass have Allstate insurance?"
"No, why?"
"Well, do you want it to be in good hands?"
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl?
A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
Vote:
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples?
It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
Vote:
Why do women need guys?
Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.
Vote:
Chuck Norris has a diary.
It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Vote:
Chuck Norris once fell off a ladder, it immediately became a chair and caught him out of fear.
Vote:
A guy dies and is sent to hell.
Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis.
Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing.
After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me."
The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected.
But finally he decides to inspect the area.
Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around.
Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone.
Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!"
The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
"I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.