Why do women need guys?
Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.
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Chuck Norris has a diary.
It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
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Chuck Norris once fell off a ladder, it immediately became a chair and caught him out of fear.
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A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home?
1st kid says, "A computer."
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful"
2nd kid says "A new lawn mower."
Teacher replies with a similar response...
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don"t need anything."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something...
Little Johnny replies, "Nope, i'm sure of it. Whenever my sister started going out with a NIGGER, i remember my dad saying, "Well, thats the last f*cking thing we need."
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"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
"I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
Yo Mama so poor, when I asked her what's for dinner?
She pulled out a shotgun and said "The next motherfucker that moves!"
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.
I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.
No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.