Best jokes ever

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender
What happened to the lost cattle? Nobody's herd.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal
Three blondes witness a crime so they go to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief shows them the first mug shot. "That's not him," the first blonde states. "This man only has one eye." The chief is stunned. "He only has one eye because it's a profile shot." He repeats the procedure for the second blonde. "That's not him.This man only has one ear," she answers. He smacks his head. "It's a profile shot." He repeats the procedure for the third blonde. After viewing the photo, she says, "That's not him. This man is wearing contact lenses." "How do you know that?" "Well," she says, "he can't wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, now can he?"
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: blonde
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, technology
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet ;)
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has 70.68 % from 322 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
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has 70.68 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: math
Your mama so stupid she bought tickets to Xbox Live.
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has 70.65 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: IT, stupid, Yo mama
Your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.
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has 70.64 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: fat, political, Yo mama
Knock, knock Who's there? I'm Mr, Farter. Mr, Farter who? I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
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has 70.63 % from 325 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, knock-knock, mother in law
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