Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving?
A: “Thanks for coming!”
There was a guy in a bar one night that got drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk.
When the bar closed, he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk.
So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.
Well, the nun was totally surprised, but before she could do or say anything, he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.
Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.
By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much.
So then he leaned over her, put his face right next to hers and said;
"Not very f..kin' strong tonight, are you Batman?"
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
It's a proven fact that you will go blind faster staring at a picture of Chuck Norris than you would staring at the sun.
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A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home?
1st kid says, "A computer."
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful"
2nd kid says "A new lawn mower."
Teacher replies with a similar response...
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don"t need anything."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something...
Little Johnny replies, "Nope, i'm sure of it. Whenever my sister started going out with a NIGGER, i remember my dad saying, "Well, thats the last f*cking thing we need."
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Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8?
Student: Miss horizontally or vertically?
Teacher: What do mean?
Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.
The world is like a jar of jelly beans.
Everybody hates the black ones.
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Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.
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King Kong climbed the Empire State Building because Chuck Norris was waiting at the bottom.
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Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!