Best jokes ever

The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: life, political, relationship
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
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has 70.45 % from 525 votes. More jokes about: animal, Facebook, technology
Yo' Mama is so fat, a cop saw her standing alone and told her to break it up.
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has 70.43 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: cop, fat, Yo mama
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class? Let’s start with you, Robert.” Robert: “The artwork.” Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?” Peter: “Her tits!” Teacher: “Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall! And you, Johnny?” Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”
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has 70.43 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: school
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An old lady has asked her priest: "please, tell me, what do you think, will I go after my death to Heaven or to Hell?" Because the priest has heard this question already at least million times before, so he has decided to tell the old lady the last and final answer, so he has asked her: "and do you still have your own teeth?" The old lady has said: "no, I have only a dental plate." The priest has told her: "now, you can see, now, you can see, you will go surely to Heaven because in Hell you can hear only crying and gnashing of the teeth."
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: heaven, old people, priest
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One penny?!", exclaimed the guy. The barman replied: "Yes!" So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks: "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?" "Certainly, sir", replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?", inquires the guy. "Four cents", he replies. "Four cents?!", exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies: "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says: "What's he doing with your wife?" The bartender replies: "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, business, money, wife
You mama so old she made yoda look young.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, Yo mama
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles... See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles... See 83 errors, pitches computer.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, IT, technology, work
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