Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant.
They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived.
Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room.
Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!”
The partner agreed to do that.
About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.
“What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant.
The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
A 10-point buck walked into a lodge restaurant and ordered a burger and fries.
After the deer finished and was paying, the cashier said, "We don't see too many deer around here."
"At these prices," replied the buck, "I'm not surprised."
Vote:
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles...
See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles...
See 83 errors, pitches computer.
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..."
Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
Vote:
Your momma so fat...
She's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
"Does your ass have Allstate insurance?"
"No, why?"
"Well, do you want it to be in good hands?"
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl?
A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
Vote:
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
Vote:
Yo mamma so old she pre-order the bible.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Vote: