Best jokes ever

A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex. She replied, "I do too!" He gets confused and asks why. She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."
Vote: has 71.20 % from 192 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, sex, wife
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
Vote: has 71.20 % from 134 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
Vote: has 71.19 % from 354 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, sport
A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
Vote: has 71.16 % from 207 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Vote: has 71.16 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, church, kids, love
What's the difference between a black guy and a elevator ? The elevator can raise a child.
Vote: has 71.16 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, kids, racist
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he’s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished. The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him a £5.00 note. The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father,...you’re a virgin." The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it’s a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another £5.00 note. Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin." At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that’s twice you’ve called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?" "Yes," says the kid, "a tight cunt."
Vote: has 71.16 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, kids, money, priest, work
What do you call a mexican having a shower? A miracle.
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More jokes about: racist
Natalie, a pretty but distraught blonde model, took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time a man takes me out, I wind up in bed with him. And then afterward I feel guilty and depressed all day long." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power." "Heavens, NO!" exclaimed the model. "I want you to fix it so I don't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
Vote: has 71.15 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
In clas: 1+1=2 Exam: John has four apples and gives one away. Calculate the mass of the sun.
Vote: has 71.12 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school