Jill: "How did you find the weather on your vacation?"
Bill: "I just went outside and there it was!"
Your mom is so fat when she jumps all the oceans disappear.
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can’t leave," the doctor says.
But here’s what to do.
Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.
‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die."
Women are looking for Mr. Right.
Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.
Yo momma's so fat...
The animals at the zoo feed her.
Q: What did the fire monster that was slayed by the water monster say?
A: "You're cold."
Vote:
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal."
Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."