Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song. 
Vote:
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?"
Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Jill: "How did you find the weather on your vacation?"
Bill: "I just went outside and there it was!"
Your mom is so fat when she jumps all the oceans disappear.
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can’t leave," the doctor says.
But here’s what to do.
Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.
‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die."
Women are looking for Mr. Right.
Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.
Yo momma's so fat...
The animals at the zoo feed her.