What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Yo mama is so old that when she walked out of a museum the alarm went off.
There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
Chuck Norris really can get chicken from a tuna can.
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
Before the 16th century, the sun really did go around the earth. Chuck Norris just decided to change it as a prank.