Best jokes ever

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy.“
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal
How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Yes.
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: IT, light bulb, programmer
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, mother in law
I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. He said, "Can I see your ticket please?" "Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shit!" He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?" "No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
Yo mama so fat that she fell over and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up.
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has 70.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
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has 70.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
Starbucks is offering a new drink to honor Nancy Pelosi. They call it the "fullacrapuccino".
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has 70.38 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, democrat, food, political
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
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has 70.37 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, sex
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid." "Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
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has 70.36 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, geek, medical, memory, science
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