Best jokes ever

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy.“
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Yes.
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: IT, light bulb, programmer
A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sex ?" His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. He said, "Can I see your ticket please?" "Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shit!" He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?" "No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Whats the difference between a coffin and a condom? One you go in the other you come in!
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
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has 70.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.
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has 70.36 % from 719 votes. More jokes about: black people, cop, light bulb, racist
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid." "Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
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has 70.36 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, geek, medical, memory, science
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