Best jokes ever

One day little Johnny asked his teacher "So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule? The teacher responded "Yes why?" Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"
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has 70.32 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: baby, customer service, kids, little Johnny, teacher
An Army Officer with an under-trainee Cadet went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Officer awoke and nudged his cadet. "Charlie, look up and tell me what you see." Charlie replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Officer asked. Watson pondered for a minute and in order to impress his officer said "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that the lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Officer was silent for a minute, and then spoke. "Charlie, you idiot, somebody has stolen our **** tent."
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has 70.31 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: military, science, time
My teacher sends this Chinese kid out of the classroom cause she thought he was sleeping. -_-
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has 70.29 % from 490 votes. More jokes about: asian, racist, teacher
A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. "Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman. "I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."
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has 70.29 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, money
Knock knock Who's there? Double. Double who? W!
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has 70.28 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock
A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
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has 70.28 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: math
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
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has 70.26 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: dirty
One night 4 MBA students were outing till late night and didn`t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the dean. The dean said that this was a special condition test. All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks: Q.1. Write down your name –(2 marks) Q.2. Which tyre burst — (98 marks)
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has 70.26 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: school
Why are black peoples eyes red after sex? Pepper spray.
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has 70.26 % from 621 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist, sex
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
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has 70.25 % from 346 votes. More jokes about: animal, stupid, Yo mama
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