Best jokes ever

A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a prostitute!" Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a prostitute?? what do you care about what she does after work?"

What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment? Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.

One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read." The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. "Where have you been?" asked the man. "I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!"

Q: Why did the butcher get fired from his job? A: He was caught beating his meat.

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.