What every sports player should say after winning? "First of all, I would like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Chuck Norris doesn't tell lies. He changes facts.
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."