Best jokes ever

You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, life, school
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!” “Dear God! Did you try to stop him?” “No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, god, women
Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear? A: Lynx
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, internet, IT, technology, work
A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: bar, coding, geek, IT, programmer
Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, money, time
Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid? A: The wall maker set.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: game, kids, money
The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?" "None", little Jim say. "None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math." "And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: school
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning? A: An alarm cluck!
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, time
An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: accountant, genie, war, work
Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, mean
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