A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?" The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips." The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?" Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like? Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!
Chuck Norris's GPS still can't find him.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed went itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris never dies. And of course, he will also never fade away.
I went to blockbusters last night and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever. The bloke at the counter said, "NO you have to bring it back tomorrow!"