Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
Chuck Norris dosent swim, water just likes him.
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
If you go on google and type find Chuck Norris then click I'm feelin lucky...run
Chuck Norris can clog the toilet with his pee.