Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work.
I don't understand, Cindy complained.
When people find out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me.
Why would they do that?
Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, Maybe it just saves time.
After an accident...
1st Driver : I flashed the headlights and told you to let me go first.
2nd Driver : I also started the wipers and said NO NO...
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.
At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
Vote:
This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?"
The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"
Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night."
Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."
An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon.
They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said, "I should tell you I have acute angina."
The old man says, "I hope so. You sure don't have cute tits."
Vote:
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
Funny Lists: Eight ways to say "Your Fly Is Open"
1. The cucumber has left the salad.
2. You've got Windows in your laptop.
3. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
4. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Sailor Ned is trying to take a little shore leave.
7. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
8. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
What are the three rules for being a plumber?
1. Hot water is always on the left.
2. Shit doesn't flow uphill
3. Never chew your fingernails.
Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.