Q: What does the baker have under his apron?
A: Dough nuts.
Why don't you hit a black kid on a bike?
Because it's probably YOUR bike.
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Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.
A few minutes, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells.
"You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
She is so blonde, she thinks that Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
Q: What's the difference between a book and a teacher?
A: You can shut a book up but you can't shut a teacher up.
The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!
A sailor and a priest were playing golf.
The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot.
Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again."
The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.
In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
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There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.
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