When Chuck Norris bakes cookies for his enemies, he adds his own secret ingredient to make a special taste to it. Its called "defeat".
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch... Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
A guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks: "Hey do you know, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, Kung Fu or any of that sh*t?" Offended the Asian man replies: "What you think that just because I'm asian I know martial arts?" The man replies: "Nah its because you're drinking my f*cking bourbon"
Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? AA By his net income.
Mortal Kombat is not difficult enough for Chuck Norris, so he got Immortal Kombat.
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you". She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking" I said, "It's me...I'm talking to the beer"!