Yo' Mama has more crabs than Red Lobster.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she can make out with a toothpick in her mouth.
Q: How did the hail stone describe its life?
A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them.
The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up.
The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!"
"I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
Why don't you hit a black kid on a bike?
Because it's probably YOUR bike.
Vote:
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.
A few minutes, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells.
"You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
She is so blonde, she thinks that Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
A sailor and a priest were playing golf.
The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot.
Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again."
The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.
In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."