Best jokes ever

A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
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has 68.33 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: doctor, game, soccer, sport
What does a man make best for dinner? Reservations.
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has 68.33 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: men
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me. She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
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has 68.32 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: fat, mean, mother in law
I would kick you straight in the vagina... If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
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has 68.30 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?". "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
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has 68.29 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: ginger, life, money, women
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
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has 68.29 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, money, new year, political, tax
Yo momma's so fat... When a cop saw her he told her Hey you two break it up!
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has 68.29 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.
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has 68.28 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, old people, sport
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?" "Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?" The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
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has 68.28 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, car, men, sex
The answer to the problem was “log(1+x)”. A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn’t want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to “timber(1+x).”
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has 68.26 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: school
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