Mortal Kombat is not difficult enough for Chuck Norris, so he got Immortal Kombat.
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you". She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking" I said, "It's me...I'm talking to the beer"!
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A: Samson. He brought the house down.
Chuck Norris has heard the actual voice of Charlie Brown's teacher...