Q: How did the hail stone describe its life?
A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she can make out with a toothpick in her mouth.
Q: What does the baker have under his apron?
A: Dough nuts.
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me.
She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
Vote:
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
Vote:
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks.
She looked down, then got run over by the train!
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons."
Wife: "Same to you father of none."