Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the pool the water jumped out!
Chuck Norris has walked to the end of the universe and back.
In the Matrix, the bullets try to dodge Chuck Norris - and fail.
In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts. Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him. Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.
Chuck Norris has no freezer. He stares at food and they freeze with fear.
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum. "That looks nasty," says the doctor. "Nasty?" the man says. "That's just the tip of the iceberg."
The Dead Sea was formerly known as The Living Sea. Until it met Chuck Norris.