A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road.
He stops.
And he asks him:
- Hey, What happens to you?
- (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car.
- Well, don't care and buy another car.
- Look inside the car!
- Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all.
- Look inside her mouth!!!
An old couple returning from florida cross the border.
The customs agent
ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US.
the man answers no.
the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?".
the man tells his wife
"the agent wants to know if we bought anything".
the customs agent asks
the man where he is from. the man answers "toronto".
the man's wife says
"what did he say?" the man tells his wife "he wanted to know where we were
from. the agent says to the man " i was in toronto once, i had the worst
sex ever in my life in toronto."
the man's wife says "what did he say?"
the husband tells his wife "he thinks he knows you dear."
Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off!
There won't be a $200 bike this year."
Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.
His father asks him why he's leaving.
Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
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Have you heard of the new black Barbie doll?
It comes with 6 kids, AIDS, and a welfare check!
So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest.
They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper.
The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!"
The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"
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A man in a bar, after several drinks, began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only. The patrons of the bar decided to test him.
The man was blindfolded and presented with several pieces of wood.
First they tried maple.
He smelled it and said, "That's maple."
They then tried ebony; he again smelled it and named the wood correctly.
He did this with every piece of wood they brought before him.
The bartender then got an idea to trick him.
And they took one of the waitresses and put her crotch up to his nose. He sniffed for a while.
"Boy," he said "This is difficult.
Flip that board over and let me smell the other side."
So they took they waitress and put her ass near his nose.
He took a big whiff, started to smile and said, "You guys can't fool me!
That's the shit house door from a tuna boat!"
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?"
Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!"
Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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Joke has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
Three men discuss the Christmas presents they bought for their wives.
The first man says that he bought his wife a vacation home in the Bahamas and one in Jamaica.
"That way," he explains, "if she doesn't like one, she can use the other."
The second man says he had bought his wife a sports car and a limo for exactly the same reason.
The third man says, "I bought my wife a negligee and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the negligee, she can go screw herself."
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
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A furniture store keeps calling me.
But all I wanted was one night stand.