Best jokes ever

Why did the Mexican take Xanax? For hispanic attacks.
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has 67.90 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, ethnic, mexican, racist, stupid
Your momma is so ugly when she gets her beauty sleep she falls into a coma!
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has 67.90 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: beauty, health, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: food
"Between a rock and a hard place" refers to Chuck Norris' fists.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses? A: Bronchitis.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, health, horse, medical
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: friendship, new year
Three men discuss the Christmas presents they bought for their wives. The first man says that he bought his wife a vacation home in the Bahamas and one in Jamaica. "That way," he explains, "if she doesn't like one, she can use the other." The second man says he had bought his wife a sports car and a limo for exactly the same reason. The third man says, "I bought my wife a negligee and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the negligee, she can go screw herself."
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: money
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