The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
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Q: What's the difference between a book and a teacher?
A: You can shut a book up but you can't shut a teacher up.
The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks.
She looked down, then got run over by the train!
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons."
Wife: "Same to you father of none."
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.
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Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off!
There won't be a $200 bike this year."
Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.
His father asks him why he's leaving.
Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
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What do you call 100 million black guy skydiving during the daytime?
Nightfall.
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